Are you in the habit of tormenting yourself?

Are you in the habit of tormenting yourself?

If it’s a yes, don’t worry you aren’t alone & you can take steps to break this habit.

And yes it is a habit, you’re in the habit of putting yourself down, making life tough & overthinking.

Most people make the mistake of thinking a habit is something bad like smoking or drinking too much, but actually everything is a habit for instance cleaning your teeth, getting your pjs on at 6pm (love that one 😂) & hitting snooze on the alarm are all examples here.

But let’s get back to the habit of tormenting yourself, how can you stop?

Step 1 – notice whatever it is is in the past.

Step 2- Notice what’s feeding the fear. Is it fear of rejection or judgement for instance?

Step 3 – Find 7 different interpretations for the event that’s niggling you. For instance if you’re tormenting yourself because you think you said something silly in a meeting how else can you frame it. For instance ‘I raised a valuable point’, ‘I inspired others to contribute’, ‘I overcame my nerves & got people talking’ or ‘I suspect everyone was really thinking about what to make for tea.’ Have fun here & don’t be afraid to go the ridiculous if needs be.

Step 4 – Remember nothing has any meaning except the one you choose to give it. So choose a new one that serves you.

You may need to try these steps a few times so please don’t be hard on yourself if it doesn’t sink in straight away – repetition is the key to cracking this.

Finally (Step 5) ask yourself what can I learn from today’s events and then BE responsible to implement what comes up; and if that niggle shows up move your attention to the action you’re taking, the changes you are creating & if it helps what everyone in the meeting was actually having for tea!

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Vicky Brennan

I have been coaching staff and teams for the last 15 years. I've undertaken training in motivational interviewing, counselling, management, mentoring and Coaching.

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